Thursday, June 24, 2010

Rules to Live By

June 24th, 2010

Everyone needs them.
That- and I haven't seen any good movies lately. I'm not about to watch The Karate Kid- I'm sorry, but Will Smith's kid is NOT the shit.

Tonight I compiled a list of rules EVERYONE in the industry should follow- from the screenwriter, to the director's assistant, all the way down to that girl who brings James Gandolfini his coffee in the morning.

Truthfully, I just didn't want to talk about Perez Hilton's child porn fetish for the millionth time. Not our fault Disney breeds, well, skanks.

(Ahem, Lindsey and Britney.)

So here we go-- backward so there's a grand finale feel to it.

10. Don't join any weird religions.
Has anyone even noticed that bad things happen to good Scientologists?

9. Get a day job.
Just because your drama teacher said you're talented and you bought that plane ticket does not mean you're the next Julia Roberts. Get a clue- and wait a few tables. 

8. Network like crazy. 
As much as those who made it tell you it's about talent- that's bullshit. It's about who you know. Charming the pants off of one person can change your entire future, and that's a fact. 

7. Once you're in, go to jail.
Or at least find someone to take a rockin' mugshot. 

6. Do something outrageous.
Wear your boyfriend's blood around your neck. Run around naked. Just don't tattoo some dead celebrity on your arm- you'd think Megan Fox would realize that she's no Marilyn Monroe by now.

5. Get involved with a charity.
As long as there are kids or animals involved, you're all set.

4. Avoid plastic surgery.
A little botox here and there is one thing. Even a boob job is acceptable. But seriously Heidi- did you even look in the mirror before leaving your doc's office?

3. Carry a cool accessory.
Dog, purse, chain, something. I can think of a few screenwriters who rock a mean Apple laptop.

2. Be thankful for what you have.
Don't shit on life, or you'll end up like Brittany Murphy. Don't think she was that fucking clueless.

1. Strive to be the best.
Regardless of what you do in the biz, always try to be the best at it. In the end, you'll stand out, and your hard work will be rewarded.

Peace, Love and Heartbreak ♥


Anonymous said...

daaaamn girl! all those gay hollywood "bloggers" better watch who is coming up behind them! and it ain't Leo baby! (*snaps in a 'Z' formation)

Andi said...

Perez Hilton couldn't handle me if he tried.